I was very pissed off at my wife and her brother. Somehow they had managed to connive and convince me to drive to the farm to see his wife nokuti “ini ndakabatikana mukuwasha.”
“Darling sei usiri kuda kubatsira my brother?” she whinnied looking at me with those crazy eyes she knew drove me crazy with desire. The way she was looking at me would melt chocolate! I couldn’t refuse her anything once she got in that mood.
I was adamant this time, I refused to succumb. I had plans with my wife, we were supposed to go out to some safari lodge for a weekend. Agreeing to go to the farm meant cancelling these plans and travelling alone as my wife hated farm life! I just couldn’t understand why tsano could not phone his wife kuti Ambuya vauye or say whatever he wanted me to go and tell her. I tried every trick in the book but hey I was barking up the wrong tree; Mudzimai akaramba kunzwisisa.
This was on a Thursday night and tsano wanted me to go early on Saturday to the farm, he even offered me his Prado to drive! Ndaramba kudaro, I felt a man but little did I know that my wife was going to fix me. Tsano vaenda ndakada kumubata to explain why ndaisada kuenda but, varume, akaita kunge ndaive ndiine maoko anopisa. Akarasira ruoko rwangu uko and stormed away.
I followed her to the bedroom and her body language clearly showed kuti this was no time for funnies. She was livid with anger. Little to say we went to bed tisina kutaudzana. Rungwana ngwana ndakamumutsa trying to make up and make love to her like our norm but haikona kuramba ikoko. Kunge ndabata mhandara chaiyo kana kuti sista vekuchechi yeRoma kupenga nekuramba kwacho.
She looked at me with some dark force in her eyes I never knew existed and said,
“Wakaramba kubatsira hanzvadzi yangu saka why should I want to entertain you?”
Kudoedza kutaura kani kuti I was doing this so we could be alone together for the weekend asi hazvina kubatsira. Kutonzi “I am always here for you and your sisters asi iwe you can’t find time to do favours for hanzvadzi yangu”. I knew I was not going to win this nyaya, so I reluctantly agreed to go kufarm kwacho.
I said this looking very miserable and sheepish, in a pitiful voice ndichiti kuda ndinganzwirwewo tsitsi but zvakashaya basa. The moment I said that, her face brightened and she jumped on top of me.
I just couldn’t get it, one moment she was Queen Furious and now she was all lovie davvie! Women! They can switch emotions on and off just like that. It’s really a mystery how they can do it, I guess zvinotoda iye Musiki kuti areve kuti akambovasika sei. Anyway, zvakaperera muhug as she quickly slipped out of bed and went kunogeza.
Tsano vakauya madeko with some envelopes and loads of groceries for me to take to the farm. He pumped my hand vachifara chaizvo, claiming kuti he knew he could count on me. I just could not get it. Sei vakanga vasiri kuda kuenda kumunda kunoona mukadzi wavo vega? Mukadzi watsano akanaka varume, even if I may say so semukuwasha. I had secret wet dreams about her and thought tsano was crazy to let her live so far away from him. The wife lived a laid back kinda life and was running a thriving market garden at the farm. Ambuya vakanga vari kuita chibhanzi guys.
She had greenhouses, mavairima kubva kumiriwo of all types and maruva. Maruva avo akanga ari for export market and vakomana iUS dollar ratiri kutaura. Her veggies were for big hotels dzemuHarare like Miekles and Crown Plaza saka you can imagine mega henyu mari yaibatwa apa. On top of that she had part of the munda under fodya, soya beans and nzungu. Kune vanorima munoziva kuti idzi imbeu dzemari yega yega.
She did all this with the help yepa farm apa tsano vari kudhorobha havo running a lucrative business too. He was virtually into everything that brought mari. These guys were living large I tell you.
I left very early on Mugovera, around 5.30am nokuti I needed to be back in Harare chopaz. It was a 2 hour drive to the farm saka ndaida kungosvika ndichisiya zvinhu ndichidzoka. I felt like a messenger you know, which pissed me off even more nokuti tsano vaive nemamessengers jahwi ekutuma but he had to settle on me. Kuitawo here ikoko? Yekuroora iyi!
Ndakarova mota semota zvokuti I arrived in one and half hours. I found ambuya vatove kuma greenhouses kare. I followed kwandakaudzwa kuti ndiko kwavaive vari. I found ambuya busy supervising vakomana vaive vachiita basa, ko ndinomboziva zvinoitwamo here?
Ambuya vakafara kundiona samare but there was concern on her face, trying to figure out if I was the bearer of good news. Taka kwazisanawo mune zvakanaka and I quickly told her my mission. I could see her face relaxing as she realised that all was OK. Soon we were chatting like taive taswera tese. That was one pleasing thing about ambuya, she could make you feel very welcome and comfortable. Vaive vasina makata.
Semunhu aida kuchimbidza kudzokera ndakaedza kuti ndivaudze just that asi vakandishaisa mukana. Initially ndaingotarisa vachiita basa then ndokuzonyara and joined in. They were pruning tomatoes and I soon got the hang of it. Before I knew it, an hour had gone by and she called for a break.We went kumba tichinanaidzana hedu. She was wearing a white t-shirt and a navy blue worksuit. Chibhachi chacho chaive chasungirirwa muchiuno and guys I couldn’t help admiring the fine a$$!She was good mhani. I must have gazed zviri obvious nokuti ndakazonzwa voseka havo voti, “hey, mukuwasha muri kuitei!?”
Varume hana yangu yakatsemuka nekutya! I had been caught staring at her ass and I was so embarrassed. Ndakazadzwa nekutya kuti zvino vakaudza tsano kana madam ndaparara. Tsano vaizivikanwa nehasha dzavo. Plus I just don’t trust munhu ane pfuti, anogona kukuisa nyere mumusoro chaimo. Ambuya saw how troubled I looked and said,
“Look, I know and understand that as a man there are some things you just can’t help. I would be a fool to deny zvinhu zviri obvious kuti varume are easily distracted by such things. Just don’t make it that obvious! ”Vakataura izvi with a golden smile on her face and ini ndakangogona kubvuma by way of kugutsurira musoro as I didn’t trust my voice. I probably would have squeaked like a schoolgirl.Tasvika kumba and ambuya got in the kitchen and that is when one of her unique talents came to the fore. I was soon salivating ndigere mulounge as the aroma came sifting through. She was one lady who insisted on cooking for her guests. Hanzi since we rarely meet saka I need to practise my cooking and show my hospitality. The food was excellent to say the least and ndakadya ndikazvimbirwa. I will not waste time describing what was cooked nokuti mungafe nenzara vakomana, it was that good!Zvese zvekuti I needed to go back early soon went out of my mind as I enjoyed the company yaambuya. We went back to the greenhouse. Vakomana vanoshandamo vaive vari busy kudiridza. Ndakambomira ndichiona zvaiitika and soon joined in here and there, nothing serious. Soon a pipe broke and water gushed out. Ambuya rushed to the scene and tried to stem the flow. I didn’t want to get wet saka I stood at a distance watching.
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