MEET the baddest girl of Mzilikazi in Bulawayo, Patience Phiri (45) popularly known as “NaMathalaza”.
Part of her claim to community fame in the past has been defecating at a shebeen owner’s doorstep for refusing to sell her beer and shaving a married man’s pu_bic hair after se_x.
A widow and mother of five, NaMathalaza boasts of how she is always up for a challenge. She is not afraid of Aids but worried about crabs (pu_bic lice).
B-Metro reporter Peter Matika (PM) met up with the comical Patience Phiri (PP), who immediately offered to “shave his pu_bes”.
PM: That is somewhat of a peculiar introduction, if I hadn’t been warned or told about you I would have been stunned or maybe offended.
I have heard so much about you, to be honest from what I have heard, you are quite a foulmouthed comical person.
Tell me about yourself.
PP: What you see is what you get. I’m naturally outspoken and people perceive me as nuts, which I’m not. If you behave in a wayward manner in my presence and I don’t fancy it then I let all loose.
If I ‘m really provoked then I’ll beat them up. I came out of your B-Metro two weeks in a row for being . . . well, wayward (laughs).
PM: When you made headlines what had you done?
PP: The first time I had shaved a married man’s pu_bes and was involved in a bitter war of words with his wife. She had told people that her husband was loyal and faithful. So I was up for that challenge and proved that he wasn’t genuine, we had a relationship. To cut a long story short, we ended up resolving the issue at the police station, where I suppose the cops were treated to some free live comedy.
The second time, I was dating a 32-year-old and he lives with his mum. Our relationship was an undercover one and we would meet secretly, we had an arrangement, where we had a secret code in knocking on the window for him to come out or open the door for me. It so happened that one day his mother got to know about the relationship and sent me a “call back” message with her son’s phone.
I thought it was her son asking me to come over. I went there but to my surprise when I knocked on the window his mother came out furious saying that my privates were too old for her son.
I told her that my se_xual organ could handle any size and age.
Eventually we ended up in court, where the case was thrown out because of my comical nature.
I was made to pay a fine though. Actually both of us paid fines for almost engaging in a fight.
PM: Wow! You are quite the character, remind me if ever we are to be friends to never get on your bad side. Did you shave him as well, seeing as you have earned yourself a reputation to that effect?
PP: (Laughing) Of course, I don’t want to catch crabs. You know, even though people call me the woman who shaves off men’s pu_bes, I have put them in their rightful places. If you are a woman and you see your husband coming to a woman like me then something is wrong with you. Get your act together, bath and always be se_xy like me for your man or else I’ll snatch and shave him.
PM: Hilarious, are you seeing anyone at the moment?
PP: Yes, which man can resist a beautiful woman like me? He is a professional and works at a local college. He knows who I am and what I am capable of doing. Frankly he knows I am wild. At one time I locked him up in my house and left him with two buckets, one to urinate in and the other . . . you know where I ‘m going with this. I locked him up and went on an all-night binging spree.
PM: You are quite the daring person. So aren’t you embarrassed of what people say about you? And what do your children say and feel about your behaviour? Do you interfere in their lives?
PP: I ‘m quite the nut! Nobody talks about me, if they know what’s good for them. I ‘m not embarrassed of being who I am. My five children and I have our own relationship and it is a beautiful one. They are heading their own homes now.
If ever they have problems they come to me. One time I bumped into my daughter’s husband in the company of a girlfriend. I knocked the living daylights out of him pretty good. I gave him a head butt he will never forget.
PM: How do you earn a living?
PP: I do piece jobs. If ever there are weddings or events I do catering and cleaning. My late husband was a cop and I earn his pension.